A CAFFEINATED CONFESSION OF MY SINS: I am a sinner, please to meet you! 

I am a sinner of the highest caliber; I have done things most people would cringe at doing; I’m pretty sure, without really looking, that I have broken every one of the “Holiest of Holy Ten Commandments” and on the Sabbath as well.

Every time the Pope hears my name, he cringes and rushes off into prayers for the souls around me.

This is my confessions, to the world, to the Universe, to those aliens monitoring me to see how the world runs(Confession outside the realm of this blog: Don’t take me as an example as how the world operates, I may be an outsider myself looking in.  This world is a confusing place and no, please don’t make me explain politics!! Even the politicians do not understand the workings, they just mouth the words and hope no one notices!)

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  1. I am the Lord your God, You shall have no other gods before me.  CONFESSION: I broke this one back in 1996, I created a whole religion based on the teachings of Ra as giving to me by a drunken L. Ron Hubbard, before he created Scientology but after he killed a whole clan of Nazi Vampires! Or Vice Versa, I forget!
  2. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them. CONFESSION: I may have made a Farrah Fawcett Sex Doll back in 1987. I was lonely, it was late, shaddup!!!
  3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God. CONFESSION: Who hasn’t screamed out “OH GOD DAMN!!” either when hitting their thumb with a hammer or having sex. If you say “NO!! NEVER!!” Liar!!!
  4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. CONFESSION: Sunday is for two thing; football and beer, enough said!
  5. Honour your father and your mother. CONFESSION: I killed a guy for my parents.
  6. You shall not murder. CONFESSION: See #5!!
  7. You shall not commit adultery. CONFESSION: It was late at night, I was at work, I may have cheated on my left hand with my right. Shaddup!
  8. You shall not steal. CONFESSION: I may have stolen your heart.  Or was it your kidneys?
  9. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbour, CONFESSION: I told the sheriff you killed all those people back in 1969. Sorry!!
  10. You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbour. CONFESSION: Your wife has a nice ass!! And a donkey too!!!

So there, I have confessed my sins and feel so much better now.

Good night and have a better tomorrow!

 

 

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